


Just Another November Day

by shiptoomuch



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Aviophobia, Blood, Crash Landing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3431966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiptoomuch/pseuds/shiptoomuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy is aviophobic. Jim doesn't know why.</p><p>One particular day in November, he learns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Another November Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saintsurvivor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintsurvivor/gifts).



> this is a thing. 
> 
> PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT THERE ARE MENTIONS OF BLOOD AND TRAUMA HERE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THAT IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF.

Leonard is seventeen almost eighteen years old. It’s November. He’s never been exactly a fan of shuttle travel as he doesn’t much fancy the idea of leaving the ground, but it is bearable at the end of the day when he has to. The way his stomach flips at takeoff and landing is unpleasant, but it’s something he has learned to handle.

The McCoy family (minus his father, so really just him and his mother) has managed to get transport on a fairly uncrowded shuttle back to Atlanta after visiting their family in Chicago. Leonard sits next to his mother, who covers his hand with her own when she sees it shaking.

“Go to sleep, dear.” She says with a sweetly sorry smile. “You’ll feel better.” She’s one of the very few people that knows about his phobia and Leonard is remarkably grateful for her support.

He takes a few deep breaths, looks at his mother, and nods before letting his eyes slide shut. “Wake me up before we land.” He mumbles before drifting off to sleep.

Being jostled around does not wake Leonard. It’s the shouting that pulls him from sleep forcefully. He sits bolt upright and his eyes dart around to find panicked faces. 

He’s not entirely sure what it is that is scaring them until the shuttle jerks again. There’s a loud sputtering, a bang, and then silence. The shuttle drops violently and the shouting starts up again. Leonard’s mother’s hands are tight on his bare upper arm.

The shuttle lifts again, but it does so in a way which makes it seem as though it is attached to a rope on the left side, pulling them up unevenly.

“I think it’s engine failure!” Someone shrieks. Leonard’s blood turns to icy lead.

The shuttle drops and pulls up once more before the captain finally comes over the speaker. “Passengers, we are experiencing some engine failure. Please be sure you have your belts buckled and we’ll try to land safe-”

The shuttle drops and the captain’s voice cuts off along with the light. Leonard’s mother’s mands are impossibly tight on his arm and he’s sure she’s screaming because her mouth is open as far as he can see in the dark shuttle, but he cannot hear her. All he can hear is the screaming metal and the rush of panic.

The shuttle hits the ground, bounces, skids, and finally rolls over completely, to land on its side. The side on which Leonard is sitting is on the ground, so that he is on his back, looking up at the terrible faces of the other passengers suspended only by their seatbelts.

The sounds of their shrieking and crying finally reach his ears and he squeezes his eyes shut as if he could block out the sound somehow by doing so.

“Ma?” He remembers and finally finds his voice. Her hands are still around his arm, but significantly looser though he can still feel the imprint of her nails. “Ma, are you okay?”

She doesn’t answer and Leonard stats to feel real panic fill his bones. “Ma? Ma?” He’s practically shouting by now. He looks over at her and immediately wishes he hadn’t.

The piece of steel is only about eight inches long and probably broke off from a support beam when the shuttle was tumbling around. And it’s buried in her diaphragm area, angled upwards dangerously. He can just barely see the end of it poking through her favorite light blue shirt, which is slowly turning a deep red.

“Ma!” He shouts. He tries to get to her to try to do _something_ for her, but the belt gets in the way. He scrambles to unbuckle but his fingers keep slipping over the releases. He finally gets out and crawls awkwardly in the upended shuttle to get to be hovering over her. “I got you, Ma. I got you.” He’s hardly hearing himself speak.

He presses at the wound with his bare hands as if her could stop the bleeding and stitch her injury together like that. He strips off his own shirt to stymie the flow but the shard is still buried deep in her chest.

She’s still breathing short little breaths that look like they’re getting stuck halfway. SHe opens her mouth looking like she wants to speak, but it comes out a cough thick with blood.

“Sh, I got you.” He says desperately. “Somebody’ll be here soon, and you’ll be just fine.”

But nobody does come for the longest time. Leonard is stuck there, staring at the blood that soaks through his t-shirt to turn his fingers red. He keeps talking to her even after her chest stops moving and her eyes are staring blankly ahead. He keeps talking to her even as people are finally being removed from the shuttle by rescue people sent from Starfleet, of all places.

“She’s gone, son.” A deep and commanding voice comes from somewhere to his left. “Come on, let’s take care of you.”

“She has to be okay.” Leonard says hopelessly. It doesn’t matter that she’s gone and he knows it. He doesn’t move and doesn’t get up.

Then there’s a hand under his arm pulling him up to stumble across seats that have to be used as the floor in the sideways craft. He’s pulled out of a large hole that was cut into the top of the shuttle.

The sky outside is clear and bright. Birds are singing and everything feels _wrong._ Leonard’s stomach turns and he heaves into the grass. When he straightens up again, he turns to face the officer who pulled him out of the shuttle. “I think I broke a rib.” Is all Leonard can think to say.

The officer is tall with dark brown hair and a solemn look on his face that is beginning to be creased by laugh lines. He absolutely oozes command and authority, even just standing there.

“Well, lucky for you, a team of medical cadets returning from an emergency response training mission were flying over and we saw you.” The officer quirks the side of his mouth up in half of a reassuring smile.

“You a doctor, then?”

“No, I’m jus the officer accompanying them.” The officer offers a hand for shaking. “Commander Christopher Pike.”

“Leonard McCoy.” He answers and takes the hand carefully. He is pretty sure that he broke a few ribs in the crash. He was too distracted to notice until now.

“That woman in there…” Pike trails off like he’s not sure whether he should finish. “Your mother?”

Leonard sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, looks at the ground, and nods once.

“I’m sorry to hear about that, son.” And Pike really does sound sorry. “What happened here should never have happened. Not these days.”

“But it did. And that’s what matters.”

-

Leonard is twenty-eight almost twenty-nine years old. It’s November again and only two months ago he rode on a shuttle for the first time in eleven years. He got horribly drunk beforehand and almost got off but he found himself in a seat next to a beat-up looking blond before he could really comprehend it.

The kid didn’t give him a strange look except for the one, and drank with Leonard while he listened. It made the flight almost doable.

Still, not a day comes that he doesn’t curse Commander (“I’m a _captain_ now, Leonard.” “Yeah, well, you’ll always be a commander to me.”) Pike for finding him again when he was at his worst and somehow convincing him to enlist.

He got through that flight blind drunk and with someone talking him down the whole time. On this particular day in November, Leonard feels like he’s back on a certain shuttle.

He wakes up and stares at the ceiling. Today is the day that he has _not_ been counting down to all year, but he always is acutely aware of. His eyes are getting dry, but he resists the urge to close them, because he knows what will be behind them. Sadly, the urge becomes too strong too fast.

Blink. _The shuttle jerks sharply._

Blink. _Dropping from the sky with no control._

Blink. _Screaming people all around him._

Blink. _His mother. Dead beneath his hands with nothing he can do to help her._

His stomach churns dangerously but Leonard isn’t worried about losing anything, considering how he’d been deliberately working too hard lately and he hardly had time to eat much of anything. 

He rolls over and looks at the clock. 3:15 in the morning.

He won’t be able to sleep anymore (is surprised he slept this long) and has a clear schedule for the next two days to account for that lack of rest. He also does not want to risk leaving his bed because Jim is fast asleep (and snoring lightly) next to him in bed.

He lays on his back and stares at the ceiling, blinking only when he needs to, and waiting the hours away. He takes up naming each of the bones in the body just as he has since he was eleven to deal with stress. When he finishes with that, he goes to muscles, and then the anatomy of other species.

He receives a bit of a shock around 4:30 in the form of Jim’s sleep-slowed voice. “Why are you not sleeping?”

“How did you even know I’m awake.”

“You’re mumbling to yourself about femurs, Bones.” JIm says and Leonard can see the bright white flash of his smile. “Hey, that’s kinda funny.”

“Just can’t sleep.” Leonard half-lies.

Jim hums sleepily at him. “Well, count sheep or something. Got my flight test at eight. Said you’d be there.”

Leonard’s mouth goes dry. He remembers saying offhand that he would be there for Jim. He didn’t even think about the date.

Jim is asleep before Leonard can tell him that he won’t be coming. He swallows and tries to calm himself. On any other day, Leonard would hate standing on the ground and watching his friend take off in a shuttle that he was piloting. 

On this of all days, Leonard is not sure he will be able to even let Jim step foot on the craft.

He waits and panics and tries to keep himself calm while he waits for 6:30 and Jim’s awakening to roll around. At six, he gets too restless and has to get out of bed. He figures he can at least use the pretense of making breakfast for them before Jim’s big test.

His hands shake while he prepares the batter for the pancakes, but he’s had enough years of dealing with this day to have learned how to tame it enough to be functional. He starts pouring the golden liquid onto the griddle with more stability than he thought he would have.

Jim comes stumbling out of the room right on schedule and grins when he sees Leonard cooking. He brushes Leonard’s hip with his fingertips. “That smells great. Thank you.”

“Thought you should have a nice breakfast for your big test.” Leonard doesn’t look away from the skillet while he talks. 

Jim hums and presses himself up against Leonard’s back. “You’re so thoughtful.”

Leonard is not upset at Jim. He really isn’t. The kid is probably the best thing that’s happened to him in a while and being in a relationship with him is shockingly easy. But right now he wants nothing more than to just shake him off and lock himself in the bathroom for the rest of the day. “Just trying to be decent.” He says and throws in an “Infant.” just for good measure.

They eat breakfast in relative silence and Leonard is glad that he’s got a reputation for being grumpy because Jim does not seem to notice any changes in attitude. 

Leonard almost tells Jim that he won’t go, that Jim shouldn’t either, but the words stick in his throat every time. He resigns himself eventually to the fact that he promised and there’s no backing out.

When they arrive at the Academy’s private shuttle port, Leonard is surprised to see that Pike is there. Captain’s don’t typically come to stuff like this unless they’re the instructors. The captain looks equally as surprised to see Leonard there.

“Captain, I’m glad you could make it out here.” Jim says and even though he addresses Pike with the right words, the twinkle in his eye reveals the blatant disregard for authority that all of his instructors complain about. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Pike answers easily, not thrown at all by Jim. “How could I miss my favorite cadet’s test?” 

Jim grins at the captain and claps him on the shoulder. “It’s gunna be awesome.”

Pike rolls his eyes and doesn’t respond to Jim directly, instead turning to Leonard. “Can I talk to you for a moment, Leonard?”

“Sure, Captain.” Leonard follows him over to an empty corner of the room.

Pike’s face is once again serious once they’re away from Jim. “When I saw that Jim listed you as an observer for his test, I thought it was a mistake.” He says seriously. “Are you sure this is something you can do _today?”_

Leonard sets his jaw and honestly thinks about that one. He’s terrified. He cares about Jim more than most things in his life, and he knows that he could love the kid if he gave himself a chance to do it. The thought of him going up in that shuttle scares the absolute shit out of Leonard. “I’m going to have to for Jim. It’ll be hard...but I’ll have to.”

“You don’t have to be here. I’m sure Jim would understand if you left.” Pike takes in Leonard’s lack of response at that with a bit of shock. “Does Jim know about today?”

Leonard stares at the ground in guilt. His shoes are scuffed, which is hardly regulation. “No, he doesn’t. Things are really good with Jim and I don’t want to mess it up with anything like that.”

Pike looks like he’s about to argue with him, but instead he shakes his head and puts his hands up in deference.”Fine. Just stay in the observation area and if you need anything, tell someone.”

Leonard makes his way back over to Jim feeling more nervous than before. He hugs him tight and has to force himself to let him go so that he can board the shuttle. The observation area is just a few folding chairs that were obviously very hastily set up with a vid screen that shows the inside of the shuttle. Leonard pointedly doesn’t look at it and instead focuses on the actual shuttle that is a few seconds from taking off.

It lifts off the ground with Jim in the pilot’s seat and Leonard has to take a moment to convince himself that he’s not actually inside, the way his stomach drops out to his feet. His heart is pounding through the whole ordeal but he manages to get through it with a white-knuckled grip on the chair.

Jim lands finally after half an hour of flying around and being the future captain that Leonard knows he is, and runs off the shuttle at breakneck speed toward Leonard, who stands and wraps him in a hug. “I did it, Bones! I passed!”

Leonard tries to speak, but all of the panic that he had been shoving off during the whole flight comes rushing over him all at once. He starts shaking and hot tears roll down his cheeks. He grips the jacket of Jim’s cadet reds in tight fists.

Jim doesn’t attempt to move away, but he’s clearly freaked out by Bones’ sudden reaction. “Woah, Bones, are you okay? What’s going on?”

Leonard hiccups and pushes away so that he’s far enough away to cradle his face in his hands. He searches over his face for any signs of being hurt. “You could have died.” He whispers almost reverently. “Oh my god, Jim, you could have died.”

Jim’s eyes go wide and he covers Leonard’s hands with his own. “Bones, I’m fine. I’m right here and I’m fine. What brought this on? Nothing went wrong on that flight.”

Leonard sucks in a deep breath and steels himself for what he set himself up for. If he wanted to avoid telling Jim this, he should not have broken down like that. “Jim...I was in a shuttle crash eleven years ago today.” He says it quickly just to get it out. 

Jim suddenly deflates, as if Leonard has taken him down from his high incredibly quickly. “Oh, Bones, if I had known, I never would have scheduled this for today. If I had known-”

“Jim, you didn’t know.” Leonard cuts him off with a reassurement. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to burden you with the whole sob story of how my mother died and I had to watch it.”

“Your mom died? Shit, Bones. I feel awful about this.”

“Don’t. You didn’t know.” Leonard chastises him firmly. “You did nothing wrong, Jim.” 

Jim looks ready to fight for his own guilt again, so Leonard presses forward and kisses him soundly. Jim squawks in surprise before winding his arms around his neck. “Bones I’m so sorry that happened to you. I wish I could take it all away from you. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Don’t make me watch you fly a shuttle again?” Leonard suggests. “I don’t know, kid. I’m lucky enough just to have you, I don’t need anything more.”

Jim stares into Leonard’s eyes like he’s considering something. “I want you by my side, Bones. Always. I want you to be up there with me when I’ve got my own ship.”

Leonard snorts. “I think you mean ‘if’, kid.”

Jim shakes his head. “No, Bones. I’m going to be a captain someday, I can feel it in my...well, in my bones. And you have to be there with me. We’ll work through this whole thing together.”

Leonard wants to fight with every atom in his body. Wants to avoid ever having to take a step off of this planet, but he knows that he would follow Jim anywhere. He sighs in defeat. “Alright. Just...not today, alright?”

Jim smiles and nods. “Of course not. Today is all about you, Bones. Now come on. I think you and I have a date spending the entire day in bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> fEEDBACK SUPER APPRECIATED  
> tumblr: fabtrek


End file.
